Right now I am more drawn to God because I am going through a depression, which I have dealt with as privately as Icould. Here's my story:
I am someone who has a preference on western guys, and I dream of getting married with one someday. Because Idon't and never had a boyfriend, and because I already have a degree, the desire of getting married is consuming me. SoI tried an online dating site, not knowing how damaged emotionally i would come out of it.
I met a british guy, 35 y o,who represented himself as a decent, very sweet, loyal and a one-woman guy. 2 months of talking every single day, I wasdrawn to him. probably because I found our differences exciting, he claimed to be frugal, and someone who didn't like to party,somewhat reserved and conservative. I thought I needed a man like that. Then he decided to come here, but days before his arrival, I received a warning that he was just playing around and all over Asia. I went ahead and met him. Ofcourse doubts were surfacing in my head, but like any other girl, I did'nt know any better.
I spent 3 days with him, just exploring some good places, but I have already sensed that something was wrong. That he wasntMr. right as I so expected him to be. I sensed that although he did not maltreat me, he just didn't have respect for women ingeneral. While with him, I see him talking to other girls online, sometimes seeing a nude picture. I wanted to bolt out of the dooraway from him. But I let it be. When he left me, there was the usual promises, and I felt wounded. he never contacted me since.I didn't love him, but he hurt me more than I could let him. What hurt me the most was the pain of being left or abandoned.and all the while fully aware of the insincerity and infidelity.. and that made it more painful.
while with him and being intimate with him, I knew just what I was to him-- nothing.
I was nothing, just one of his exploits. Filipinas are being unfairly treated to be scammers or looking for money.I am not like that, all I hoped for was for love to be universal. In my innocence I do not know yet the feeling of loving and being loved back, and yet here i was learning that the world can be cruel.
For many nights that followed i would cry. I did not know what for, because as I said I did not love him. But i just did... I cried and cried and cried.
Crying was comforting.
And I prayed more frequently, sometimes desperately, telling God to fill this void and pain that has left a scar in my soul.
I know that i should hang on and be patient for the right love to come in my life. But i know I will be hearing your words of wisdom,and you never fail to deliver, Bo.
May God bless all of us
Keep me as,Anonymous"
God will heal the wound in your heart.
I'm so sorry for your pain.But I believe that you will come out stronger and wiser.Thank you so much for sharing your story.Thank you for your honesty.I pray other Filipinas will learn from it and avoid your pain.
I will also pray for God's best for you.More importantly, may you find in God your ultimate joy.