Thursday, September 2, 2010

From An Anonymous Letter Sender

To protect the identity of our letter sender we will call her "Gabrielle". This is her story...

"Dear Brother Bo,

Thank you for asking us to write you an email. I've always wanted to do this, but somehow I felt awkward. Well, actually I once did. But the email was anonymous so I guess that was why I didn't get response.

I want to thank you for the books you've written – ""Your Past Does Not Define Your Future"" and ""7 Secrets to Real Freedom"". Your advices have been helping me out a lot. If I have time, I also read your blogs and listen to your audio teaching.

You see, I am a porn addict woman and for more than 15 years of ignorance about it, it is only now that I finally come to realize and admit to myself how sick I am. Back then, I didn't know that I have this illness, that I only had self-control problem because my addiction was taking too much of my time.

So I started researching cure over the internet. But since most of the advices I get were based on western culture, somehow, I wasn't satisfied. Until this pinay sex psychologist had this articles that what I was doing was normal – that masturbation is good for mind and body, blah, blah, blah. But if so, why do I still feel guilty? Before, during, even after doing it. I have tried procedures hoping I'll get peace of mind. None worked.

There was my denial technique – where I taught myself that this exercise is just normal. That the mere fact that I'm a lonely woman, a certified NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth), of course I would need an outlet! As far as I know, I'm not hurting anyone and as what experts say, it's good for the body, hence, it's A-OK! So if cravings start, I'll get it done and over with, then move on with life. No big deal. Probably the guilt feeling would stop. I remember making appeals to God, ""Lord, I'm better off this way. I released it, and stopped my thirst. This is normal, right?"" He wouldn't say a word. And the guilt continues as the knowledge of lust is one of the 7deadly sins bugs me. I know have sinned against God. Again.

There was also my drown-yourself-to-faith strategy. I had toxic faith and never realized it until I read your writings. Each night I'd pray the rosary and other prayer chants, but hardly ever tried to talk to God. More often than not, it was like more of reciting the words of the rosary rather than actually praying it. I would wear a scapular, a rosary ring, keep a rosary in my pocket, hoping these would protect me. It times. But there were moments, too, wherein I would struggle in my bed or in front of my pc. My dilemma was just too much to bear that I'll just remove my protections, and then weakly I'd give in. I hated it. I never thought of running out of that temptation room, instead I conversed with it.

And yes, I confess I still fall from time to time. But unlike before, I no longer curl up in a ball and feel shameful and let my insecurities eat me whole. Now, whenever I fall, the more I try to dust myself and run to God. There I would weep. And not having a support group just makes this solitary battle even harder. I've been keeping this to all myself all this time and still mustering enough courage to come out in the open without hurting anyone in the process. I'm far from claiming I am healed-healed. Everyday is still a struggle.

But the difference now is that I started to acknowledge my feelings, my weaknesses, and my anguish. And from these painful experiences, I try to heal my wounds. I'm now learning how to shift my attention. No more pink elephants. You were right – sexual passion is passion; sexual energy is energy. I now try to use them as productive as I can. Recently, I started to learn about photoshop, I started surfing and trying out photsoshop tutorials, and so far I like the progress of my newly discovered talent. I want to live my life to the full. I'm 27 already and growing old alone is a fear I deal with everyday. But I stopped focusing on that. Instead, I now act on overcoming it. And whenever Ms. Lonely goes home, she would pray to God, not in chants, but in an awfully genuine weep. And little by little, between shedding tears, I feel His love is healing me.

Brother Bo, I already have your ""How to be Really, Really, Really Happy!"" Although, I don't have yet the other 3 books of The Boss series. (Ehem. Hint-hint). But seriously, I want to say thank you for your teachings, your brutally blunt lessons about life, and for taking time for reading this.

I'd really, really, really love to be your friend. And have your autograph if ever I get the chance to finally meet you personally. Thank you and more power."


Dear Gabrielle,

Your letter is very inspiring.God is working in your life in a beautiful way.I praise God for what He is doing in you.I pray that He continues to heal you. Thank you so much for writing your story


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